The Star Trek Monthly Monday Thread

[Webhead]

[Fanboyimus Prime]

[Dan North]

[NewFun#6]

The 5th book.

[Arthur Ratnik]

[JonathanCrites]

Just finished Conspiracy, I thought this episode was kind of lame until the Riker v Admiral fight to the end. The final showdown was intense and fairly graphic; I was kind of surprised at Picard and Riker blowing that dude's head off.

[Arthur Ratnik]

[JonathanCrites]

[kane starkiller]

[Dan North]

Reasons, why, Kirk, is, totally, better, than, Picard
Dude, Captain, Kirk, could, totally, kick, Captain Picard's, ass. Just, ask, anyone, at, the, Trekkie, convention. No, not, that, guy, he's, dressed, as, Riker, he's, not, going, to, be, unbiased. Okay, fine, look, I, mean, look, okay, I'll, prove, it. Here's, 100, reasons, why, Kirk pwns Picard


I'm, sorry, I, can't, hear, you, over, the, sound, of, how, awesome, I, am.100. All, the, reasons, "Why, Kirk, is, better", are, funnier, and, true. Picards, list, is, overblown, and, lame. Lame
99. When, Kirk, encounters, aliens, whodontspeak, English, they are Toast!
98. Picard, needs, a, ready, room. Kirk's, ready, room, was, the, bridge.
97. Kirk, jumps, horses, skydives, and climbs, mountains, Picard, has, a, Goldfish. Lame
96. Kirk, and crew never, needed, to have, a, Holodeck, to, get, laid.
95. The, Dominion, didn't, come, through, the, wormhole, until, the, 24th century, because, if, they'd, come, through, 100, years, earlier, Kirk, would, have, told, them, to, get, the, fuck, out, of, his, space, or, they'd, have, their, asses, handed, to them, - and, they, would, have! all, in, one, episode!
94. Kirk, is, so , hard, he , made, up, his, own, martial, art, and, beats, down, his, enemies, using, it. Picard, looks, stupid, when, he, fights, Oh, Wait!, Picard, cant, fight, he, has, a big, hairy, Klingon, to do, that, for, him.
93. When, Kirk, gets, captured, he, can, escape, in, five, minutes, flat. Picard?, He, has, to tell, his, captor, that, there, are, four, lights, for, TWO, WHOLE, EPISODES!
92. Kirk’s, evil, twin, womanized, and swigged, brandy. Picard’s, evil, twin, liked, to, have, his, scalp, massaged, by, Ron, Perlman.
91. When, Sarek, mind, melded, with, Kirk, Kirk. hijacked, the, Enterprise, wasted, an, entire, crew, of, Klingons, stole, their ship, and, brought, Spock, back, from, the, DEAD!. When Sarek mind melded with Picard, Picard cried a lot!.
90. When, Kirk, shouts, it, echoes, across, an, entire, planet.
89. Kirk, would, have, slept, with, Counsellor, Troi, in, the, first, episode, and, Beverly, Crusher, by, the, second.
88. Kirk. disguised, himself, as, a, Romulan, stole, a, cloaking, device, and, escaped to Federation, space. When, Picard, disguised, himself, as, Romulan, he, ate, some, soup, and, then, got, captured. Lame
87. When, Sisko, met, Picard, he, told, him, he, hated, him. When, Sisko, met, Kirk, he, got, his, autograph.
86. Picard, failed, his, first, entry, into, Starfleet, Academy, Kirk, Passed, first, time.
85. Kirk's, first, officer, has, cool, rocket, boots, Picard's, plays, trombone
84. Picard, only, featured, in, four, movies!, Kirk, in, SEVEN!, with, more, to, come.
83. Kirk, killed, a, GOD, with, a Phaser. Picard, almost, destroyed, the most advanced, ship, in, the fleet, trying, to kill, a teenager.
82. Lets compare, A daring adventurer who, likes, a, punch, up, drinks, real, booze, and, has, sex, OR, a, flute, playing, diplomat? Lame
81. How, many, non-star trek, fans, have, even, heard, of, Picard?
80. When, Kirk's, brother, died, he, took, it, like, a, man. When, Picard's, brother, died, he cried, a, lot, locked, himself, away, and, was, rude, to, everyone. Lame
79. Kirk, is, a, cool, dude. Picard, is, a, cold, wet, fish.
78. Kirk, drinks, Saurian, Brandy, Romulan, Ale, and, Tennessee Whiskey, Picard, sips, TEA. Lame.
77. Kirk, never, once, said, "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
76. TheKlingons, Never, had, a phrase, for, "We Surrender", till, they met Kirk.
75. Picard's, engineer, never, beamed, Archer's, beagle, into, space.
74. When Kirk, meets, Romulans, he fires at them, When Picard, meets, Romulans, he gets, fired at!.
73. Kirk, would, rip, up, the "Prime Directive", just, to, get Laid, Picard, wouldn't introduce, toilet paper, to a planet for fear of contaminating, their culture.
72. Kirk, was, never dumped, by, a, woman, for, an, interfering inter-galactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet
71. Unlike Picard, Kirk, manages to have, sex, more often than his first officer.
70. Kirk, breached, the 'Great Barrier', in, the center, of, the, Galaxy, met GOD, and, wasn't, even impressed
69. Kirk, believes, that, 69, is, self.
68. Kirk, knows, how, to, negotiate, and, save, up, to, HALF OFF, on, Priceline. Picard, is, too, much, of, a, wuss, to, name, his, own, price.
67. PICARD, SLEEPS
66. Picard, sings, Gilbert, and, Sullivan, songs, with, his, android, --- pussies. Kirk,: "Who, the, fuck, is, Gilbert, or, Sullivan?", let's, sing, a, cool, song, instead, Row, Row, Row, Your, Boat, or, Hey, Mister, Tambourine, Maaaaaan, or even, I'm, a, Rocketman, a, Rock, It, man.
65. In, an, alternate, universe, and, a, different, time,, Kirk, went, to, Earth, to, retire, and, became, Denny, Crane. Crane, shot, a, shit, ton, of, Commies, with, a, paintball, gun, that, left, the, god, damn, commies, with, bruises, and, really, annoying, sores. They, never, fucked, with, Denny, Crane, (Captain, James, T., Kirk), again. Picard, only, shot, a, few, Borg, with, a, phaser, that, the, Borg, eventually, became, resistant, to. Pussy, phasers, can, never, beat, a, good, fist, or, paintball, for, that, matter.
64. Kirk, knows, how, to, get, down



63. Has, a, higher, rating, on, his, page.
62. Kirk, became, a, real, gangster, Picard, needed, a, holodeck, to, be, one.
61. Kirk, would, have, told, "Q," to, get, the, fuck, off, his, ship, and, stay, off, or, his, ass, is, getting, kicked. But, Q, is, omnipotent, and, knows, all, things, so, he, never, paid, Kirk, a, visit. Picard, wasn't, so, lucky, because, Q, wasn't, scared.
60. Kirk, would, never, allow, the, serving, of, *fake* alcohol, on, his, ship. Real, men, who, get, laid, need, real, booze!
59. Kirk, kills, Klingons, for, breakfast. Picard, wants, to, drink, his, fake, alcohol, with, them.
58. Kirk, had, General, Order, 24, and, had, permission, to, blow, the, hell, out, of, a, whole, planet, when, they, want, to, take, hostages. And, still, had, time, to, score. Picard, just, wants, to, negotiate.
57. Kirk, NEVER, became, a, Borg.
56. Kirk, didn't, have, kids, and, families, on, board, his, ship. Picard's, was, nothing, but, families. And, secret, stashes, of, huffing, kittens.
55. Kirk's, hand, phasers, at, least, resembled, guns. Picard's, looked, like, TV, remotes, and, dildos.
54. Kirk, fought, Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! and, won. Picard, never, even, met, the, man.
53. Kirk, would, NEVER, wear, a, pink, Beret, orprancearound, in, green, Pantyhose!.
52. Kirk's, Entercorse, could, fly, at, Warp, ten, at, times, once, made, it, to, warp, 14.1. Suck, it, Picard, and, your, stupid, rules, for, how, warp, ten, cannot, be, achieved.
51. Kirk, didn't, care, too, much, for, targeting, an, enemy's, engines, or, weapon, systems, Kirk, would, shoot, at, anything, he, fucking, felt, like.
50. Kirk, scored, with, green, skin, girls.
49. Kirk, won, against, the, no-win, scenario.
48. Kirk, went, to, a, planet, and, fought, goddamn, commies, -- and, won! Picard, fought, drug, addicts.
47. Picard, doesn't, play, World of Warcraft. Kirk, does, and, he, plays, with, the, Horde, not, that, pansy, Alliance.
46. Kirk's, first, officer, was, the, finest, in, the, fleet, whereas, Picard's, first, officer, was, lame. Lame.
45. Kirk, never, wasted, time, by, making, us, watch, him, eat, in, the, mess, hall. When, he, went, to, the, mess, hall, to, eat, it, was, actually, to, fight, Romulans, or, score, with, them.
44. Kirk, having, passed, third, grade, and, knowing, of, the, dangers, of, a, hard, vacuum, rarely, stood, near, a, window, while, on, the, Entercorse; Picard, had, a, fucking, SKYLIGHT, on, his, bridge. C'mon, dude, that's, just, ridiculous.
43. Despite, not, being, the, best, diplomat, Kirk, at, least, had, a, dedicated, communications, officer, on, his, bridge. I'm, not, really, sure, why, she, was, sixth, in, command, but, she, was, at, least, there.
42. Kirk's, middle, name, is, TIBERIUS. That's, a, name, a, dragonshark, made, out, of, lasers, would, want. Picard's, is, Luc. Lame.
41. Picard, doesn't, have, any, children, Kirk, probably, has, millions. Because, you, know. Sex.
40. Kirk, has more hair than Picard.
39. Kirk, would, never, wear, a, dress, when, admirals, came, for, a, visit. Or, you, know. At, all. Kirk, usually, has, admirals, arrested, and, put, in, the, damn, brig.
38. Kirk, could, solve, a, problem, without, having, to, reverse, the, polarity. He, had, at, least, twelve, other, solutions. Three, of, them, involved, scoring.
37. Kirk's, female, crew, members, wore, miniskirts, Picard's, wore, slacks. Lame.
36. Kirk, would, never, pretend, to, be, a, barber, to, hide, from, his, enemies. He'd, just, rip, off, their, hair, while, it, was, attached, to, their, heads.
35. Kirk, doesn't, have, a, problem, with, sending, red shirts to, check, out, strange, sounds; Picard, is, a, redshirt.
34. Diplomacy, for, Kirk, involved, at, least, seventeen, phasers, and, a, fight, to, the, death.
33. Wesley, Crusher, never, once, set, foot, on, Kirk's, ship.
32. Captain, Kirk's, heart, never, got, stabbed, and, replaced, by, an, artificial, one, because, Captain, Kirk's, torso, is, actually, made, out, of, a, titanium, steel, force field, Chuck Norris, beard, alloy.
31. At, age, 37, Kirk, was, captain, of, the, USS, Entercorse, flagship, of, the, Federation, whereas, at, 37, Picard, was, captain, of, the, USS, Stargazer, a, ship, that, was, unimpressive, even, when, it, was, built.
30. On, Kirk's, last, episode, he, may, have, gotten, turned, into, a, woman, but, on, Picard's, last, episode, he, got, his, ship, destroyed. Three, times. Three, fucking, times, dude.
29. Despite, Kirk, having, a, slower, ship, he, made, to, the, edge, of, the, galaxy, on, his, first, episode.
28. Kirk, knew, how, to, deal, with, omnipotent, beings, with, nothing, better, to, do, than, harass, him: tell, his, parents.
27. Kirk's, doctor, was, named, Bones, giving, the, impression, he, at, least, knew, something, about, the, human body. Picard's, doctor's, name, sounds, she'll, maim, you, for, fun.
26. Fans, of, TOS, want, to, be, Kirk, fans, of, TNG, want, to, be, Riker. Because, you, know. Picard, was, old. Lame.
25. Attack, Kirk's, ship: photon, torpedoes, no, questions, asked. Attack, Picard's, ship: Negotiation, no, questions, asked. Except, by, Worf, with, whose, advice, Picard, never, agrees.
24. Kirk, never, had, to, split, his, ship, in, half, to, beat, his, enemies. Not, even, once.
23. How, many, bad, guys, did, Kirk, beat, up, with, a, single, neck, chop? Billions. How, many, did, Picard-- oh, wait, none. He, didn't, go, on, away, missions. Except, that, one, time, and, then, the, bad, guys, stole, his, underwear. No, they, did. Lame.
22. Let's, face, it: Being, born, in, Iowa, >, Being, born, in, a, French, vineyard.
21. Kirk's, helmsman, was, cool, enough, to, get, his, own, ship, Picard's, was, not. (Actually, LaForge, got, a, ship, in, an, alternative, future, But, who, really, cares?.)
20. When, Kirk, had, to, deal, with, an, evil, computer, he, blew, it, up, with, logic. When, Picard, had, to, deal, with, an, evil, computer, he, needed, Data, to, solve, the, problem, for, him.
19. Kirk, temporarily, left, Star Trek, to, become, a, shoot-em-up, cop... T.J. Hooker. Picard temporarily, left, to, become... Jeffrey.
18. Kirk, didn't, have, children, on, his, ship, for, more, than, a, single, episode. Little, kids, are, annoying.
17. Despite, having, a, crew, of, only, 400, Kirk, was, smart, enough, to, manage, the, people, he, had, so, that, his, chief, engineer, didn't, also, have, to, be, a, helmsman. Also, Picard's, helmsman, was, freaking, blind. (He, got, promoted, to, chief, engineer, the, brat, took, over, the, helm).
16. Kirk, never, almost, flew, his, ship, into, an, object, the, size, of, a, solar, system. Maybe, an, object, the, size, of, a, planet, but, never, one, the, size, of, a, solar, system.
15. Kirk's, bridge?, Not, beige.
14. Kirk's, first, officer, didn't, need, a, beard, to, look, manly, he, only, needed, one, to, look, evil.
13. Kirk, didn't, have, Lwaxana, Troi, as, a, recurring, guest, character. He, had, Nurse, Chapel, as, a, recurring, guest, character. How, do, you, even, pronounce, "Lwaxana?"
12. Kirk, didn't, need, a, holodeck, to, live, his, fantasies. His, fantasies, were, beating, up, Klingons, and, seducing, hot, alien, girls, both, of, which, he, did, in, real, life, every, episode.
11. Kirk, once, went, to, the, planet, of, nothing, but, gangsters, and, out, gangstered, everyone, on, it.
10. Kirk, had, enough, common, sense, not, to, go, on, away, missions, wearing, a, red, shirt. Sometimes, he, didn't, wear, a, shirt, at, all.
9. Kirk's, chief, engineer, was, a, fighty, Scotsman, who, could, drink, you, under, the, table. Picard's, chief, engineer, was, blind, wore, goofy, glasses, and, hosted, Reading Rainbow.
8. Kirk, doesn't, speak, with, a, pretentious, 'English,' accent, even, though, he's, French. Which, he's, not.
7. Kirk, didn't, need, a, devoted, chief, of, security, Because, He, WAS, security, but, if, he, did, his, chief, officer, wouldn't, have, had, a, ponytail, or, be, a, girl.
6. When, Kirk, gives, his, friends, nicknames, he, gives, them, real, nicknames, not, sissy, ones, that, sound, like, a, toilet, code, i.e., "Number, One".
5. If, Kirk, wants, advice, he'll, ask, Spock, and, sometimes, McCoy. Not, everyone, in, earshot, and, definitely, not, Wesley, Crusher.
4. Kirk, can, beat, Vulcans, in, chess.
3. Kirk, doesn't, need, a, psychic, to, tell, him, that, the, Romulans, have, hostile, intentions. The, Romulans, always, have, hostile, intentions. I, mean, seriously. Fuck, you, Deanna, Troi.
2. Kirk, once, made, a, cannon, out, of, a, log, and, shot, diamonds, into, the, heart, of, his, enemy. Picard, lost, a, fencing, match, to, Whoopi Goldberg.
1. Spock.
The Dominion of Seker. Barren Desert of Eternal Night. Shunned by Ra. Behind the Gate Aha-Neteru. The Wastelands of Seker. Eldest Lord of Impenetrable Blackness. Death God of Memphis. He of the Darkness and Decay of the Tomb. He of Rosetau. The Mouth of the Passage to the Underworld. Closely Guarded by Terrible Serpents. Who Careth Not for His Own Cult of Worshippers.

Reasons, why, Kirk, is, totally, better, than, Sisko, Janeway, and, Archer
No, reason, needed, neitheroneofthem,.... was, cool, enough, tohave, their, ownmovies.

[Dan North]

From uncyclopedia's Captain Kirk article.

[NewFun#6]

Dunno why everything is separated by commas, but that list is hilarious. And oh so true!!

[NewFun#6]

The only reason I think you ever really need --



In Command



Indecisive

[Hair-Metal Hero]

Kirk-Action Hero/Lover/Fighter/Space Cowboy
Picard-Boring Old Fart.

[Webhead]

I think these songs says it all why Kirk is the best

[Dan North]

Everything is seperated by commas so you read it like Shatner. See?

[Hair-Metal Hero]

"You say sabotage, I say Sabbohtahj."

[kane starkiller]

[NewFun#6]

Just got back from Kennedy Space Center and the AWESOME Star Trek exhibit they have going on there. You can check out the pics here --> http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set= ... 0262876728

[NewFun#6]

And some more from my cellphone -- http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set= ... 0262876728